she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
