Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
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