I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
