yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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