With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
