if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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