i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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