Im at strip club and am horny
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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