He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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