Just fell off a train. Bad.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I can't put those talents on a resume
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
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