I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
