he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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