Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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