Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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