maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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