After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
