AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
