I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
