dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Randomize
