Umm I'm too high to move.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
