We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
