Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
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Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
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i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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