She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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