Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Let's get the cat blown out
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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