He asked to "fluff my boner.."
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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