my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
