i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
