im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize