You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
