For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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