the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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