Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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