Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
