Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
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