shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
