Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
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