I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
