Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
