I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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