if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
