how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
