I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
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You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
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Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize