my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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