Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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