remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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