didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize