it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
