Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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