dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
