What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
