This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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