i don't like sucking hair
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Randomize
