K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
