sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
