it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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