Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
