you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
