New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
